When your partner is drinking or using drugs
Living with someone you love who is struggling can leave you anxious, angry, lonely or all three. None of that makes you a bad partner, and none of it is your fault.
Things you might notice
- Secrecy about money, phones or where they've been
- Mood swings, irritability or withdrawing from you
- Drinking or using earlier in the day, or alone
- Promises to cut down that don't hold
- Problems at work, with driving or with health
These can have other causes. Noticing them is a reason to talk, not proof of anything.
Starting the conversation
- Pick a calm moment when they're sober, not during or after an argument.
- Say what you've seen and how it makes you feel: "I've noticed… and I'm worried."
- Avoid labels. Talk about the behaviour, not who they are.
- Expect denial the first time. Leaving the door open counts.
- If you share children, think about their safety first.
Looking after yourself
- You can't control their choices, only your own.
- Groups like Al-Anon are for partners, even if they never get help.
- If you feel unsafe at home, call 999 or a domestic abuse helpline.
- Call
Al-Anon (UK)
Families and friends of drinkers
0800 0086 811
- Call
Nacoa (UK)
Children of alcoholics
0800 358 3456
- Call
Childline (UK)
Children and young people under 19, 24/7
0800 1111
- Call
Families Anonymous (UK)
Families and friends worried about someone's drug use
0207 498 4680
- Call
Addiction Family Support (UK)
Families and friends affected by someone's drug, alcohol or gambling use
0300 888 3853
Adfam lists local support groups for families across the UK at adfam.org.uk.
When they're ready
Learn what the options are, so you're ready when they are.