Family & friends
Help for families and children affected by addiction
When one person drinks or uses drugs, the whole household feels it. Support exists for you, whether or not they ever ask for help.
By The Rehab Index · General information, not medical advice
It is not your fault, and it is not yours to fix
Living with someone whose drinking or drug use has got out of hand is exhausting. You may feel worried, angry, embarrassed or guilty for feeling all three at once. Partners, parents, adult children and friends describe the same thing.
You did not cause it. You cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. That does not leave you with nothing to do. The useful work is usually smaller and more specific: look after yourself, keep the lines open, and get good advice.
You do not have to wait for them to be ready
Most family support is open to you whether or not the other person admits there is a problem. Al-Anon supports anyone affected by someone else's drinking. Families Anonymous is for families and friends worried about a person's drug use. Both run meetings where the members are peers who have lived it, not clinicians.
Addiction Family Support offers phone and email support for people affected by someone's drug, alcohol or gambling use, including after a bereavement. Adfam does not run a helpline itself, but its website lists family support groups and local services across the UK. SMART Recovery runs a Family and Friends programme that meets online and in person, and takes a practical, non-religious approach.
None of this requires the other person to agree to treatment, and none of it is a way of smuggling them into rehab. It is help for you.
For children and young people
Children often carry this quietly. They may believe they caused it, or that talking about it is disloyal. Nacoa supports anyone affected by a parent's drinking, at any age, and its helpline is answered by trained volunteers. Alateen gives young people aged 12 to 17 a place to meet others in the same position. Childline is free and confidential for anyone under 19.
If your child is under 18, local young people's drug and alcohol services are free and confidential, and you usually do not need a referral to ask what is available. A school nurse or counsellor can also help. If you are a young person reading this on your own, you can contact Nacoa or Childline without a parent knowing.
What a family support meeting is like
Meetings are usually small. Someone shares, the group listens, and nobody is required to speak. You can go alone, say nothing, and leave. There is no membership fee in Al-Anon or Families Anonymous, and a collection, if there is one, is voluntary.
Some meetings are open to anyone who wants to learn. Others are closed to people who are directly affected. Check the listing before you go. Many groups meet online as well as in person, so a bad traffic day or a lack of childcare does not have to end the attempt.
Boundaries are not punishment
Covering up, making excuses, handing over money and checking their bag all feel like love in the moment. Over time they often protect the habit rather than the person. A clear limit, stated calmly and then kept, is a kinder long-term position for everyone.
Common examples: money is not given for substances, nobody drives after drinking in this house, and if you are abusive towards me I will leave and call for help. Choose the limits you can actually hold to, say them once, and expect them to be tested.
Look after your own health
Long stretches of worry take a physical toll: broken sleep, headaches, anxiety, and sometimes drinking more yourself. Your GP can help with that, and counselling can give you somewhere to think that is not inside the family.
This is not selfish. A supported, rested adult is far more useful to a struggling partner, child or parent than an exhausted one.
When to act straight away
If anyone is in immediate danger, call 999. If someone is talking about ending their life, do not leave them alone and call 999, or contact Samaritans on 116 123.
If a child is at risk, tell a teacher, GP, social worker or the police. If you are living with domestic abuse, there is separate help for that, and it is not the same conversation as addiction support.
If someone may be physically dependent on alcohol or medicines such as benzodiazepines, stopping suddenly can be dangerous. Speak to a GP or a local drug and alcohol service before they stop.
A first step can be small
Look up one meeting near you, or send one email. Ask a GP or a local service what they offer for families. You are allowed to get help for yourself without telling the other person.
Phone numbers for the services named here are on our Get Help page. Short guides for partners, parents, adult children and friends are on our family pages.